[cw: slurs relating to mental illness]
i don’t think you can make someone care about you. some people naturally draw people to them and i’m not that sort of person. i don’t repel people, but people don’t fall in love with me like they do other people.
because i’m vulnerable and crazy (and…
Pretendin to be smart:
Today we had our end of term test. I had begun to get very stressed about it. Which is more symptomaic of my desire for it to be the end of term and my annoyance of the classes, although I suppose ofcourse I’m also annoyed at myself for being so tired and annoyed at everything. It’s a very self indulgent kind of malaise that I know I don’t really feel. That’s melodramatic. But look at the photos I just posted, That’s how I roll. SO I revised the day away and then went to an onsen with my onsen-buddy. Everyone should ha one. It’s the closest I shall ever get the being Carrie from SATC (anacronyms S.H.I.T. So Hipster It’s Terrible) all we talk about is boys. We are both intelligent, modern women, so sometimes we also talk about music etc. As this modern intelligent woman I keep pretending to be I definitely should start talking about politics or my love of the Titanic.. I really do love the Titanic. It was very relaxing though, and we are trying to go to every single onsen in Kobe. A man can dream. This one was less kitsch than our first onsen, which was 70’s, pink and plastic. This onsen, in Oji, had a wooden outdoor section which was really rustic ad fancy, you got free shampoo (score) and also an odd electro-pulse section fo the water that made my leg spasm (no fun for Rose). I felt relaxed afterwards and I’m glad to have had a good old chat with someone I trust, just hearing about what’s going on in her life. Then I went back, revised a bit more and had an early night. ROCK AND ROLL.
Tonight apres-exam, I’m sitting in my room eating my Costco Cheese and calling it feminism. It felt very anti-climactic today, the sun was shining and I went to my room and watched Take this Waltz. I was expecting a comedy, I got a BLACK COMEDY. It was a touching chick-indie film. I can only describe it as having a feel like the director was a woman, there was lots of silent staring and longing (which I am quite partial to) and an odd swimming scene where they swum interwined (it reperesetened their love or some shit). I liked the film becaue it had painful honesty and relatipnship and realism (naked women) and a very moving scene from Seth Rogen (whom I would never leave if I had been married to him).
THIS IS NOT WHAT ANYONE EXPECTED FROM A BLOG ABOUT JAPAN. However, this is what I’m doing, this is what I would be doing in England, except now I’m thousands of miles away and about 2 stories up. Am I an unchanged foreign student? Is that a contradiction in terms?
The book is very interesting and it’s essentially like my ideal psychological tea party, it’s got Jung and Bettleheim and if it has Jung and Bettleheim the Freud is essentially the oblique plus one. I love Bettleheim. I think his analysis of fairy tales, and him as a person is very interesting.
Also it turns out if I am alone I take photos of my reaction to scrofulous and scurrulous sections.
I love this movie to death asdoghfjres
This is possibly the best arrangement I could have made